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If I had not been breathing, I would have sworn rigor mortis had set in. ‘You’re going to have to tell me what’s wrong. I don’t understand unless you tell me.’ His voice was laced with concern for my comfort. I found it rather sweet of him. ‘I don’t look like the type of woman you’re use to having. You can’t wrap your arms around me twice.’ There was a time when I did not look in the mirror to criticize myself. I was able to check myself over and thought of myself as a classic beauty with short hair. My opinions changed rapidly when Kaden started to take off my clothes. I stood there in my bra and panties, despite what little covering I had, I felt naked. My eyes were closed as I waited for his verdict, my mind trying to instill faith and trust into my tattered heart. He did not make me wait long. I felt him embrace me, gently squeezing me every so often. Looking up, I saw the thoughtful expression on his face. It was that thoughtful expression and the squeezing that made me think. My journey from conservative housewife to sexually liberated woman has completed me, and this is (part of) my story. I am a 57 year old woman who divorced after 34 years of marriage and had to rediscover every aspect of living all over again. With my kids grown and my husband gone, for all intents and purposes I found myself alone. The friends I’d built over the years were couples friends and if you’ve never been married, extricating people post-divorce is just plain weird. A few people stuck by me, but most wanted to remain friends with both sides and given the awful circumstances of my divorce it was nearly impossible to show up at parties with him there. So my choices were plain: slide into bitterness and depression, or embark on a journey to discover the self. I chose the latter. After the divorce was final I decided to move to an area with a warmer climate and natural water of any kind. I knew that I wanted to be outdoors as much as possible to get into shape and enjoy what was.
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